The ex has been slipping back into his bad old ways recently - i.e. bullying abusive behaviour.  He got the cold shoulder this morning and as a result, left after making himself some lunch.  I didn't not talk to him at  all, I simply answered yes and no to any questions and didn't volunteer any remarks.  He evidently got the message. This was as a result of yesterday evening when I dared raise the topic of our nephew.  I want him to see he needs to think about what he's going to do, since he'll be 18 within 11 months. It's going to be one hell of a problem. The ex wouldn't listen to my attempts to gently get him to discuss options but lost his temper, deliberately interrupting and shouting angrily.  I will not be cowed into submission because there are some big moral issues at stake. So I'll email him, so he can't bully me. The last time I was treated to an outburst I forget now what sparked it off.  At any rate, once launched, he treated me to a tirade of angry sarcastic comments, sneers and jeering laughter, ending in false insinuations that I don't want to work and am pretending to be ill.  This only confirmed my view I could never ever live with him again and furthermore, I decided that I don't want to be in this country for the rest of my life.  I really do want to go back home, to be old in peace. Decision taken. I fear he'll end up a lonely old man, which is very sad, because he won't ever understand why everyone keeps away.  The truth is, his friends have largely deserted him, except for the blood-sucking type that want to get what they can out of him and I mean F C and his ilk here. The BB family at large is noticeably lacking in real affection for family members, keeping themselves very much to themselves. Note how many people visited A when he was dying.  No fear, they kept their distance.  So no chance of any of them taking any notice of him. His own children will not entirely desert him, no, I don't think so, but they're all likely to end up in different countries to this one.  He thinks listening to the other person's opinion is not what a conversation is about.  According to his thinking, a conversation is for making the other person think what you want them to and do what you want them to. And most of all, it's about him telling them what he thinks. So naturally, other adults get bored and end up keeping away.  He isn't good company.
The other issue, the lady who made those allegations about the ex's behaviour towards her, allegations of trying to get her into his bed, that she made to both me and G, I've thought about this and decided she is lying.  There are several good reasons I think this.  One is, she never mentioned any of these things when I met her, which I did weekly, but said, on the contrary, that she respected him as a father and brother. Secondly at the end of each of her last two relationships with men, she made extraordinary allegations about the men, saying they'd beaten her badly, smashed her things, etc etc.  Despite never having a mark on her, and despite her being quite willing to meet and talk to these men subsequently.  What's more, she also revealed herself to be no stranger to violence, as the ex said she had tried to attack N with a wooden spoon!!!  Conclusion: while I still feel some affection for her and will keep my promise to her  to teach her English if she ever contacts me (but, note, it's her who has to contact me, since I've already sent a message to which she hasn't replied) and wants me to, other than that I will not seek to continue our friendship because she is an inventor of stories. Perhaps, it occurred to me, she has invented a story about me too, which she's told her brother, so he's banned her from contacting me.  (The mind boggles. What could she have invented?  That I steal?  Am a lesbian? Am having an affair with someone??) Another conclusion reached from all this is that nationalities do have certain characteristics.  And in Aa, aggression and authoritarian-type behaviour seems to be the norm, as a means of dealing with disputes  and issues among family members.
Boh, this seems to be a very negative post, but I needed to get this out of my system.