Got the results of my latest scan.  Hmmmm, now I know why I place objects too close to the edges of tables, worktops, and knock things off with regularity.  Also, why simple calculations seem very difficult. All down to damage to the Corpus Callosum.  I wonder if I can overcome these effects by consciously retraining my brain?? Perhaps I should Google for websites providing practice in maths.  My researches also threw up evidence for what I had long suspected, and that was that the two periods of peculiar strong heartbeats that I had could well have been caused by lesions to the brain stem which controls, vital body functions such as heartbeat rate, breathing etc.  Which makes me wonder, somewhat alarmingly, if one could actually die of MS if the lesions in one's brainstem were sufficiently serious to interfere with bodily functions.    Now I've found my blog again, I swear to write something every day, since I forget my life so quickly.  I life in a constant state of Mindfulness - the past is a closed book and the future a misty nebulous space.  Yes, forgetting the past tends to make one cheerful because otherwise one would be tempted to dwell on failures, griefs and mistakes. On other topics, O sends us lots of baby-spam and today she sent the most beautiful photo of herself and M.  S has put it as a screensaver on my phone, though this has obliterated Susy's picture.
Yesterday was such fun at the Danza Moderna.  Average age of other participants: 7!!Felt it in my legs this morning though!  Decided Nordic walking would be a great way to build strength for Back country skiing. Practiced the technique going up to Paradiso.  Tomorrow I'll make myself two sticks to use.  Must remember to take a billhook. (Accidentally discovered a page in "the history of the world in 100 objects about billhooks while trying to find the English term for it!!)

The first ever Easter meal eaten outside, despite it being only March!  It was at Sara's suggestion we did so. It was cooler than it would have been the Sunday before, because the clocks also went forward an hour, making 1pm only 12am the day before. 
Now it's Monday, I'm bored and frustrated I can't get on.  Sam and Sara still abed, the flat people haven't left so I can't remove and wash sheets and towels and the heating has tons tay on, which is a waste was no one is coming in for over a week. 
Had battle yesterday with Sam about his laziness around the house, particularly in regard to cleaning up his cooking things and doing the washing up,. Saturday night he made a fish sauce for his pasta and left all the dirty pots and pans overnight, despite me telling him repeatedly to wash up. Sara told him too. Result - the kitchen stank of it on Sunday morning. Had a nice walk to see Antonella's new house and then walked further, as she wasn't in, on the path to Colonghei, but then gave up as it got higher and higher and I wasn't sure how far away it was, or if I'd even know when I'd got there, as these places are never given signs. Then continued on a level path to Perla, where I took lots of photos as it was a pretty place. 

Friday 1st April

Don't know what happens to all the times I write and press "save" - where do those posts go to??
Boh, anyway, I'll try and write something each day.
Have had a return of that strange pain, starting in my left ribcage, then spreading to my right ribcage, and sometimes going to my left shoulder, starting as a dull pain, then stabbing pains, and spasms, though not very strong ones, down my right side. My back got very stiff as well. I couldn't put my socks on on Wednesday!  Tried 400mg of ibuprofen - it worked a bit.  Saw neurologist - he doesn't like me, I reckon. Anyway he thought not MS related but I disagree, I think it's the MS Hug. It's neuropathic pain.  Discovered a good website About.com for MS, it was really informative.  Discovered that itchy spot I had the years before my diagnosis - is a symptom of MS too.  Ha, I knew it was something strange, that it kept itching in the same place but felt funny to scratch. Also an unpleasant sensation when you touch your skin. That's also a symptom. These things all have scientific names, which it might be good to learn in order to communicate better with the doctors.
Might have an eye test tomorrow, because I noticed yesterday my sight was worse in my right eye. And I've got brain fog - keep forgetting things and peoples names, well, a complete disaster.  And yesterday I tried to speak Romanian to a gypsy begging outside Lecco hospital yesterday. She asked me for a sandwich so I obliged, but could not remember the words for cheese or for ham. Then later she was substituted by her daughter, who was terribly uncomfortable trying to kneel with high heels on. Then then asked me for a coffee, which I gave them, and for money, which I didn't give them. However, it was a bit disappointing because having got the coffee, the mother then said they had to catch a bus and they disappeared!!

The ex has been slipping back into his bad old ways recently - i.e. bullying abusive behaviour.  He got the cold shoulder this morning and as a result, left after making himself some lunch.  I didn't not talk to him at  all, I simply answered yes and no to any questions and didn't volunteer any remarks.  He evidently got the message. This was as a result of yesterday evening when I dared raise the topic of our nephew.  I want him to see he needs to think about what he's going to do, since he'll be 18 within 11 months. It's going to be one hell of a problem. The ex wouldn't listen to my attempts to gently get him to discuss options but lost his temper, deliberately interrupting and shouting angrily.  I will not be cowed into submission because there are some big moral issues at stake. So I'll email him, so he can't bully me. The last time I was treated to an outburst I forget now what sparked it off.  At any rate, once launched, he treated me to a tirade of angry sarcastic comments, sneers and jeering laughter, ending in false insinuations that I don't want to work and am pretending to be ill.  This only confirmed my view I could never ever live with him again and furthermore, I decided that I don't want to be in this country for the rest of my life.  I really do want to go back home, to be old in peace. Decision taken. I fear he'll end up a lonely old man, which is very sad, because he won't ever understand why everyone keeps away.  The truth is, his friends have largely deserted him, except for the blood-sucking type that want to get what they can out of him and I mean F C and his ilk here. The BB family at large is noticeably lacking in real affection for family members, keeping themselves very much to themselves. Note how many people visited A when he was dying.  No fear, they kept their distance.  So no chance of any of them taking any notice of him. His own children will not entirely desert him, no, I don't think so, but they're all likely to end up in different countries to this one.  He thinks listening to the other person's opinion is not what a conversation is about.  According to his thinking, a conversation is for making the other person think what you want them to and do what you want them to. And most of all, it's about him telling them what he thinks. So naturally, other adults get bored and end up keeping away.  He isn't good company.
The other issue, the lady who made those allegations about the ex's behaviour towards her, allegations of trying to get her into his bed, that she made to both me and G, I've thought about this and decided she is lying.  There are several good reasons I think this.  One is, she never mentioned any of these things when I met her, which I did weekly, but said, on the contrary, that she respected him as a father and brother. Secondly at the end of each of her last two relationships with men, she made extraordinary allegations about the men, saying they'd beaten her badly, smashed her things, etc etc.  Despite never having a mark on her, and despite her being quite willing to meet and talk to these men subsequently.  What's more, she also revealed herself to be no stranger to violence, as the ex said she had tried to attack N with a wooden spoon!!!  Conclusion: while I still feel some affection for her and will keep my promise to her  to teach her English if she ever contacts me (but, note, it's her who has to contact me, since I've already sent a message to which she hasn't replied) and wants me to, other than that I will not seek to continue our friendship because she is an inventor of stories. Perhaps, it occurred to me, she has invented a story about me too, which she's told her brother, so he's banned her from contacting me.  (The mind boggles. What could she have invented?  That I steal?  Am a lesbian? Am having an affair with someone??) Another conclusion reached from all this is that nationalities do have certain characteristics.  And in Aa, aggression and authoritarian-type behaviour seems to be the norm, as a means of dealing with disputes  and issues among family members.
Boh, this seems to be a very negative post, but I needed to get this out of my system.

Resolution: take responsibility towards goddaughter more seriously.  Can be achieved if I can only get in contact with her!  At least, let her know she can communicate with me if she wishes.  According to elder daughter, people like the above, possibly including the above, take drugs at discos.  

For once!  A whole day without having to cook a meal for someone, or collect someone, or deliver someone somewhere!!  Heaven knows how many years it's been since that last happened!  I spent the whole day in front of the computer, doing my things at my pace - it was blissful!
The evening course went well so I'm getting back into the swing of things.  The students were good, and they now realise there's serious learning to be done.  I need to give them lots of homework.

Various thoughts:   number one, stay away and don't get involved in the affairs of ex-spouses.  One only gets one's fingers burnt.  Much better accept  the money and then keep one's own counsel, do one's own thing and consequently live in peace.  Second, is it possible that some people don't need to be in love to have a successful marriage and could basically be a spouse to any number of other halves?  I imagine this mindset must allow lots of people who have arranged marriages to make a success of their relationship. Our current western culture assumes everyone has to be in love romantically in order to have the prerequisite  type of love for marriage.  And another thing, that some people have a more successful relationship with a partner who isn't nice to them all the time, or that makes life difficult, or has a difficult temperament etc etc. and conversely end up bored with and desirous of escaping from the relationship with someone who is invariably decent, kind, loving and generally problem-free.